Category Archives: Books

Become a Sponge (aka Sharpening Your Mind to Help You Heal)

I’ve talked a lot about the use of creativity to help heal your mind and your heart on the other side of a divorce. The output of your mind. The flip-side of this coin is the intake of information. I’m not talking about entertaining-type stuff at this juncture – movies, music, etc can wait for another post. I’m talking about taking in useful, encouraging stuff that will give you something to grow on. Something to find hope in.

Here’s a brief list of things I’m thinking of –

J31_Writer

**Podcasts

If you can think of it, there’s a podcast about it. Here i would suggest searching for podcasts on something that would be helpful to you – organizational skills, how to run your own business, how to de-clutter your house, etc. Find your list of favorites and tune in as often as they are broadcast. Listen while you work out, while you work around the house, while you’re winding down for the evening. Take in as much knowledge as you can.

**Blogs

Including this blog, subscribe to writers who touch on issues that are important to you. You can find blogs ranging from Christianity to motocross, from gardening to single parenthood. Take a little time each day to read something useful.

**YouTube / Vimeo videos

While it may be tempting to just watch something fun or goofy, take some time to watch something uplifting or educational. During my darkest days post-divorce (PD), I found myself taking in a lot of sermons and historical documentaries (Ken Burns does amazing work!). My horizons were greatly expanded because of these videos!

**Conferences

Are you a writer? Go to a conference. Are you a homeschooling single dad? There is encouragement and equipping available to you at conferences across the country. Are you a pastor? The Basics Conference in Cleveland is outstanding. There’s something beneficial to going out of town for a weekend of intensive learning. The change of scenery is great and the info and networking are even better!

**Seminars

One of the best seminars I’ve been to was a Dave Ramsey financial seminar in Colorado Springs. Perhaps a stop-smoking seminar would be helpful, or one on changing careers.

My friends, feed your brains. You have an uphill battle in recovering from your divorce, but there are plenty of tools available to help you get back on your feet. Don’t just feast on junk food for the brain, like video games, movies, excessive tv watching, etc.  Take in some stuff that will give you a boost to get you out of the pit of despair that you’re in. You’ll get there, I promise. But you have to help yourself along the way.

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The BEST Advice I Ever Received (My ONE-YEAR CHALLENGE to you!)

There is no cookie-cutter formula for a guy to get through the difficulty and pain of divorce. I’m not pretending to say that “if you follow these three easy steps, you’ll have no problems getting past your divorce.” No, instead, I’m sharing from experience what was exceptionally helpful for me.

On the heels of my divorce a handful of years ago, someone told me to not put myself into any kind of serious dating relationship for at least one full year. Instead, I was told to take that time to figure out what a single ME likes and dislikes, enjoys and despises. Instead of grasping at something I felt I desperately needed (another relationship), I was free to investigate for the first time in my adult life who I had become. Not only that, I was able to avoid making some relationship decisions I know I would have regretted because I was a needy, broken man without a clue. So, I found out a few things about myself.

Just a few of my personal discoveries:

**Although I knew that I had enjoyed playing the trombone in school and a little bit in college, I never realized that I absolutely LOVED listening to big band swing. I also discovered for the first time that I got a big kick out of 60s rock (yes, I became a fan of Credence Clearwater Revival. Don’t judge me…).

**Regarding food, I quickly ascertained that I like key lime pie, and I don’t normally care for popcorn or cake.

**I learned that I enjoyed trying different beers and I occasionally enjoy smoking a Sherlock-Holmes style pipe.

**Regarding my viewing experiences, I discovered that I was not so much of a movie guy as I am a historical, nature, and crime documentary person.

**About books, I had the freedom to determine that I am thoroughly swept up in reading biographies and Charles Dickens and Old Testament prophets.

**When it comes to transportation, I found that I am a Jeep-a-holic and have been bitten by the motorcycle bug.

**Spiritually speaking, I finally was able to articulate my own set of theological fingerprints. Who knew that I was a cautious continuationist with shards and shreds of Calvinism embedded in my beliefs?

**Concerning mental health, I had no idea that I had been dealing with severe clinical depression since I was a little kid. What a major difference it made to find treatment!

**Interpersonally speaking, I discovered that I greatly value deep communication, I learned that usefulness of expressing anger, and I determined many of my defense mechanisms.

If you are on the fresh end of a painful divorce, I urge you to take my ONE-YEAR CHALLENGE.  Despite the urge, don’t date for a year. Read lots, talk lots, and introspect lots. Experiment with food, music, hobbies, and other tastes. Surround yourself with a small crew of trusted people. If you can’t find a crew, settle for one person you mildly trust. If that’s a stretch, then at the very least, keep a journal of what you discover. You will pleasantly surprise yourself during those twelve months!

If you are willing to take this ONE-YEAR CHALLENGE, let me know. I’d love to keep tabs on how your progress moves forward. Let me know your thoughts!