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Something Her, Something You, Something New (aka ingredients for maintaining a solid relationship)

I am not an expert in dating nor do I pretend to be one. But I would like to offer a way to breathe life (or new life) into a growing relationship. Whether you are just getting to know the woman from work, church, neighborhood, etc, or if you’ve been married (or remarried) for 15 years, it helps to have shared interests and experiences. I’m calling this approach to connecting “Something her, Something You, Something New.”

Something Her
Be the gentleman. Ladies first, right? Take the initiative here. Ask questions and find out hobbies, interests, and activities that this gal has. You pick one that she mentions. And offer to join her in that endeavor. Does she absolutely love going to movies? Even if you haven’t been to a movie in years, ask her which movie she wants to see and treat her to a movie of her choosing. Does she love to cook? If she likes to ham things up, invite her to cook her specialty while you film her, Food Network Style, complete with color commentary and interview. Does she like scrapbooking? Pay for her to go to a workshop with a friend, then when she’s done, sit down with her and ask her to show you all that she has made. Better yet, go to the scrapbooking workshop WITH her with a joyful (not begrudging) spirit. You get the idea. Join her on HER turf. Genuinely showing interest in what she enjoys doing.

Do this on a regular basis – not a one-time exercise.

Something You
Now that you’ve been able to get a glimpse into some of the things she enjoys, kindly invite her to join you on YOUR turf (but never force her. Just invite). Do you like to go hiking? Find your favorite mountain or nature trail to explore together. Do you enjoy archery? Go rent a compound bow and some arrows at your local archery range and show her how to shoot. Do some target practice together. Do you like to play disc golf? Invite her to come play with you for a round of 18. Be patient with her. Show her why you enjoy this stuff so much.

Do this on a regular basis – but always give preference to the things she likes if you have to choose between the two

Something New
Now there is something really cool about discovering something new with someone you’re dating. Let’s say neither of you have been to a professional hockey game. Save up a little bit and go watch the Blackhawks play the Avalanche. Where’s the closest museum that neither of you have been to? (The top two museums I’ve been to are the Chicago Museum of Science and Industry and the International Spy Museum in Washington, D.C.) Regardless, go explore one together. Make a day of it. Take in the IMax experience. Pick out together the exhibits you both want to be sure to catch. When you’re all done, talk about what you liked over dinner. You get the idea here.

Make a habit of this one, especially. You will learn a ton about each other as you discover and explore the world around you together!

It’s so important to find ways to keep things fresh in your relationship, whether you’re dating or married (you should still be dating after saying “I Do,” anyway!). This is just an idea to help move you in that direction.

For me, here’s where I’m at:

Something Her – My wife loves crime shows and I can go without tv for months on end. However, over the course of our 2+ years of marriage, we have watched numerous series together. Bones. Crossing Jordan. NCIS. Poirot. Murdock Mysteries. Murder, She Wrote. The list goes on and on. Not only have these shows grown on me, they have given me a conversation point with my wife. We often will talk about the issues uncovered in the shows or character qualities or flaws in characters. Pretty priceless, if you ask me. Any opportunity to engage my wife in meaningful conversation is awesome.

Something Me – I have always been a huge fan of football. I love it. I have my favorite team, but I just thoroughly enjoy the game of football. My wife is a big fan of her home team, and she knows some about football. But my love of football has been a relational entry point for us. Not only has my wife played fantasy football with me and others, this season we’re doing a pick ’em contest to see who can predict more winners at the season’s end. Hilarious but awesome! (Not to mention, at this point in the season, she’s beating me!)

Something New – Right now my wife is pregnant, due in December, so this is not an option really YET. Years ago my wife took some dance lessons and thoroughly enjoyed them. She’d go dancing with friends on a regular basis. Over the last few years, these opportunities have dwindled. While this is something more new to me than her, once she has recovered from giving birth to our second son, I would like to take some swing dance lessons (maybe ballroom, too) with her. I’d like to tap into something that I don’t have a lot of experience with. I think the new experience of learning some dance together would be beneficial in many ways! Looking forward to it! (If I break a leg, I’ll be sure to post a pic!)

Anyway, your turn. What might you do in terms of Something Her, Something You, Something New? Inspired? Let me know in the comments!

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